It’s odd how re-reading something that was written at a time of high emotion can bring things flooding back. I think one of the dangers of electronic storage is that things are kept for far longer than they might otherwise have been.
I had a boyfriend when I was 16/17 and we wrote letters to each other. He lived in Norfolk, I was in London and we used to write long letters to each other (usually when we were in classes under the guise of taking copious notes …) After we broke up, I kept them for a while but eventually chucked them. Who needs pages and pages of soppy teen angst?
With boyfriends in Durham, there was less need for letter-writing although I have a few cards and short letters from holidays, but not much.
But then there are the emails. Something of a rabbit hole that I probably should avoid at all costs. Because whilst there are some comedy did-I-really-say-that emails there are also the ones that are full of emotions (good and bad) and reading them brings it all flooding back.
But there is catharsis in it. Because the pain will never be as bad as it was at the time. And remembering how bad it was at the time reminds you of the fact that you don’t feel that way anymore. That God has brought you through even if the route and the timing was completely different to your expectations.
A lot seems to have happened in the last few years.